I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
