I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
