i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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