I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
