opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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