i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize