evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
