A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize