god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
