and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
