Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
