Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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