I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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