Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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