meet me or not, i'm out of control
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
