I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
