If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
