Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
