Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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