Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
