Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
