Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize