I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
