Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
