I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
