I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
