if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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