Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
