He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Send help, water and tortillas.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
