the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize