i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
