I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
