Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
