batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
