Sober January is a disaster.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I deserve this hangover.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize