i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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