I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
