cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
