my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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