I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
