Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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