He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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