I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
