my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
