Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
