2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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