with your own penis?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
