Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
