Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize