That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
