I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
