I looked at my own cervix.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize