when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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