I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
