"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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