Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
