I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
