So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
