She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
is this the sara with the beer cane?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
