We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i believe in u and ur pee
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
