whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
