we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
