and you said cock pushups were impossible
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
