i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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