I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
