So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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