Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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