I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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