It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
high people should be assigned attendants
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
