watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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